A letter to you

hello! i just can type at 10 o'clock, lol. actually my dad and mom were going to my cousin's house. they made bbq thingy. they told me to go there but I don't want. so lazy! haha. i want to watch final destination 5. \m/ but my computer's speaker cannot use! so lame right? haha. well. I'm dieting right now, want to have my ideal weight. B) I want to be 45kg girl. HAHAHA! i bought new keyboard too, my old keyboard is too hard to type, hehehe. :D I'm so broken right now, no, i'm not break up with my boyfriend, hehe. I just feel like....... Well yeah I don't know how to explain it. I really feel like i'm a stranger. =( Sometimes I miss my old relationship with him.Actually I change because he made me like this! =( I think i can't tell you the stories. it happen three times you know! hell yeaa I still love him a lot . Sometimes I wish I didn't see 'it'. I'm too regret because I see it. Really. I wanna have an amnesia thing or whatever that can make me forget what happen in this life. Sometimes feels like that I wanna die, can't face the life and the truth and whatever. I want to tell him that i'm jealous and blablabla, but I too scared to tell it. Maybe I just can say it on my blog. Hope he reads this.

" Hey. You know, sometimes I feels so annoyed. You're a good boyfriend , so stop to say that you want to be a better boyfriend. You treat me good, really. :) I also love when you played with my hands, kissed me on my head when I put my head on your shoulder, when you chat me with sweet words, makes me laugh when i'm sad :) and how you makes me warm. Well, since I read it, I don't know you still remember it or not, I know that my friend already told you about my feeling. Jealous. I still hurt, till now. Too hard to heal it back. Since I read that, I'm so sad, don't know what to do, need something to throw it, and many more. Until now, yes until now I still can't forget it. Really. I know I'm so childish. You say sorry to me, I forgive you, but that don't make me feel better, but worst. =( You keep saying sorry to me, and I also get more hurt. =( I don't know, really, I don't know how to heal it. Do you know that I cried for you every night? Do you know that I'm insane? I know I make you jealous because of my oppa, I know you jealous that I close with another boy. But you know, when I close with them, I forget all my problems with you, although it just for a while because they keep asking about you. Stupid, right? Don't say that I fall in love with one of them. I don't fall in love with one of them. They can make me feel better when I'm close with them. I also don't know why. I also don't know why I keep believing you, but you already hurt me? some of my friends said that I'm so stupid, stupid for keep believing you, and stupid for keep loving you. I speak to myself, ' Am I really that stupid ? Why must I care ? He already hurt me, makes me down. ' I just feel like there's something change. Sometimes I also confused about our relationship.Saying sorry is not enough when you've already broke my heart. "

I think that's enough, nothing to write anymore. Enjoy it. xx, :)