Young & Wild

Hello. Just come back from somewhere with him. Yeah. With him. It's a bit awkward when I write the word  ' him '. I don't know why. He just become so different. Hell yea we are already break-up, so why should I care if he changes? I don't have any right to forbid him. When we hang out, I usually hug him tight. When I don't hug him, he will use his mentel voice to seduce me. But now? Everything is changed. Everything. I can't hug him anymore. I can't hold his hands anymore. I can't ***s him anymore. It's sad to accept the fact that we already broke up. I don't know why this thing happen so suddenly.

Around 7 or 8 we talked about something that happen on his birthday last year. But, when he called me something bad was happen.

Him : Hello.
Me  : Yes? *something's wrong with his voice*
Him : What are you doing? Have you eat?
Me  : I want to sleep already. I already eat.]
Him : Ok. Then go sleep.
Me  : Ok.
Him : Hello? Hello?
=============== Hang up phone ===============
 * He called back *
Me  : Yes?
Him : What happen if we broke up?
Me  : *Million things running on my mind. I think he want to broke up soon* Nothing.
Him : Really?
Me  : Yes.
=============== SILENCE ===============
Him : I think we should broke up
Me  : Mmh. *I can't say anything anymore. I can't think anymore*
Him : Is it okay?
Me  : Mmh.
Him : Really?
Me  : Mmh.
Him : Sorry.
Me  : Mmh.
Him : ( I don't know he said what, I just hear he didn't want if only one of us that want. AH IDK LA-.- )
Me  : Mmh
I don't know he said what again coz after he said that, I put off my headset. It's useless. I'm trying to not crying. But but? I cried like a baby-.- Begging like a beggar. But I know. He won't change his decision. No one can't do that. Except her mommy maybe.

And the next day, my eyes so swollen. Hiks. Can't focus on study. Can't do anything, everything that I do is a mistake TT_TT seriously. I keep begging him.
He said that he wanted to find money, make his mom happy. He don't want to buy ( maybe ) something with his mom's money. He wants to use his own money.
I'm glad to know that he's like that. Using his own money. Not his mom's. But I also sad, why should he leave me? It's okay if he did not care about me. I don't need something from him. I just want him. Only him. Not his money, etc. I want his love, his heart. He's the best boyfriend that I ever met. He's my everything. I can't forget him. He said that he want have a relationship on 25 years old. It's 8 or 9 years to go... He said, if I want to be with him, I should wait. But you know, I hate waiting. Really. I'm afraid that he'll fall in love with someone else, with another girl. What hurt most is the girl can change my position in his heart. I can't imagine if it like this. God, I really need your miracle. Really. I do love him so much. I do.